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Sunday, December 25, 2005

“Sorry. I’m sorry...”
- “Waterworld” director’s commentary according to “The Simpsons”

as i watch another shit movie and drink by myself i realize something: a couple years ago when i first started this blog, there were about ten people from all over the country who stumbled onto each others blogs and read them every day. one by one these people either canceled or moved or just stopped writing on their blogs and one of the reasons given was that too many people that they knew were reading them now and it just wasn’t the same. i swore that would never happen with mine but you know what? that’s exactly what happened. i got excited about people reading my shit and told too many people in my life to read by shit and now it seems that i am censoring my shit! good news! not no more! if you know me and are afraid you’re going to read something upsetting, get the fuck out! this blog will be going back to the same angry ugly crap that i used to spew two years ago. for starters, my job. my job is a fucking joke. i work with a bunch of crazy fuckers who include me in dramas that are occurring only in their mind. yesterday i walked into the storeroom, listened to one of my co-workers let loose with a phlegm-rattling cough, the kind you always hear from a movie character right before they fucking die, and i said, “dude, you don’t want to be back here, do you?” i said this because 1.) he was coughing like he was an extra in the mini-series “The Stand” 2.) because he was telling me he didn’t want to be back there and 3.) because i would have rather done mindless bookstacking in the back instead of waiting on the Christmas mongoloids who wanted books (any book!) to put under the tree. an hour later my boss pulls me aside and asks why i’m trying to hurt her feelings. what?!? because i had no idea what they said to each other, i blamed Whooping Cough Boy but who knows what dots they connected in their feverish brains. both of them used to frequent this site so hey, open letter to ya, compare notes next time before you include me in stupid horseshit like that again. i had to explain to two people who were listening that “no, i wasn’t in trouble, but apparently those two managers just like to make each other feel bad no matter what they invent to do it. boggles the mind when you think about how many times they probably kept that stupid shit to themselves and just walked around all angry at you and you had no idea that you were “involved.” i swear to fucking Christ if i get “pulled aside” again, because of some fucking drama that any of those fuckers imagine in their heads I WILL WALK. this is what i keep saying so listen close...i am not involved in this drama that you people seem to think i am. just because you can keep bringing it up under the guise that i’m acting different guess what? i’m NOT. i have been completely consistent since day one. except for the fact that i toned down posts so as not to offend my new local readers, and now that’s back to normal! i act the same. but i’ve seen this before at many other jobs, the more someone gets to know me, the more assumptions they make about what i’m thinking and they are ALWAYS wrong. when i say to someone at work “i don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about” it is because i’ve spent the hours leading up to your nonsense thinking about everything i will be doing when i clock OUT. oh, while i'm burning bridges, one more thing. no one is allowed to get a pained look on their face when i come in 10 or 15 minutes late if management comes in a half hour late on the same day. new rule. i keep track of these things because you’d think i kicked a puppy to death in front of them when i have legitimate car problems. other people can miss TWICE the time i do and say whatever they want and there are smiles all around. don’t even try to tell me i’m wrong, I KEEP FUCKING TRACK OF THIS SHIT. i keep track of everything. i come in late after calling at least twice so there’s no misunderstanding and i’m hit with “don’t you feel bad?” what? WHAT? have you ever asked another employee that question? didn't think do. do i feel bad??? yeah, i feel bad that i have to drop another grand on this car, i feel bad about the shit that went wrong and all the people that i was rude and impatient to trying to get to work, but NO i don’t feel bad about some insane personal shit you made up in your head that makes you think i was doing anything to YOU. you tell me that your other managers say you’re being taken advantage of by me? let me get this straight. is this the manager who has been 15 minutes, 20 minutes, HALF HOUR late on at least five occasions that i and at least three other have witnessed? this person has the fucking balls to say anything about taking advantage? you have got to be fucking kidding me. sorry about the yelling but better here than at work, right? right right? fuck all of you. who the fuck do you think you’re talking to? someone rolls their eyes at me when i’m doing everything but pulling a Fred Flintstone and popping my feet out the bottom to walk to work. someone mutters “late again huh?” then watches one of the other fucking managers come in a half hour later and say she tripped and everyone smiles like she brought them candy. FUCK YOU! you bring me down with your hypocrisy and melodramatic bullshit. i won’t be around there much longer. maybe it’s kind of my fault. eventually at these jobs people get to know a little bit about you and then they think they can fill in the gaps with what they think they know. bad idea. you people don’t know shit. i wish i worked inside some sort of welding machine where the only human contact would be for someone to come by and change some bottle when i filled it with piss. now that would be the perfect job. no more guessing what someone has imagined they know about you. no more managers hiding in the back all day, then wandering out to sum up what you’re doing in five seconds. i’ll save part of this rant for when i’m more coherent (although spell-check works wonders with everything but the dyslexia) because i’m working on a thesis called “The Case Against Middle Management” which i hope to be shown someday in a motel room on Mexican cable. hey, while i’m thinking about it. you know what i really do feel bad about? we had a manager who had a Julius Caesar pulled on him by his crew and now works like three doors down. and i actually laughed and said, “why doesn’t he ever come in here?” thinking he might be embarrassed about something because of the way he left but now i understand. he just hates those people. there were managers who worked under him happily for years who decided to talk shit on him the minute new people showed up, being more two-faced than i’ve seen since about sixth grade. i look at them now and i think, where’s your fucking integrity? is this state so full of backwards morons that they’re used to doing things so obvious and never being called out on it? maybe so. anyway, like i said, don’t read anything here unless you want to feel bad. or good, if you’re a stranger! see how that works maybe now all those old readers will come back out of hiding. there used to be like 200 of you a day and now there’s like 20. let’s see if this is why. okay, i got to work on my grad school application now and i’m to drunk to do it without typos. see i just jinxed it, now i won’t get in and i’ll be among these crazy retail bastards for the rest of my life. if anyone is offended by this hey, remember the book "Harriet the Spy?" these things happen when you read someone's diary. and this is meant for my brothers and sisters all over the country that used to join me in saying all sort of hideous stuff about people in our lives. this is a necessary outlet and i already feel better like i took a long comfortable shit while eating a chicken leg and drinking a beer at the same time. and in case anyone is wondering, yes drinking and typing is a built-in excuse to talk shit with impunity. if i was really drunk, could i spell impunity?

::: david - 10:25 PM [+] :::
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