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Sunday, November 13, 2005

"C'mon and kiss me black."
-The Birthday Party

"Eight year-olds, dude."
-Walter


disclaimer (or spoiler alert or blatant attempt to get someone to read this):
by the end of this post i will somehow be defending pedophiles! how the hell does that happen?!? stick around!

well Halloween came and went. didn't get much candy or a chance to vandalize since KT sliced her finger open at work in the frame shop. she got seven stitches and it was just the inspiration i needed to finally carve one of the twenty pumpkins lying around the apartment. my friend Nate did a movie tribute (guess which movie!) on his and i gave the other side of the severed-finger pumpkin the tired but essential batsignal to shine on the wall. the cats chased the flickering light around for a while but i'm kinda glad i waited so long to carve them since they only lasted about three more days. tossed them in the river ("the Ohio River sir?") because they seemed to rot faster than i remembered. cooked up the seeds though. got a friggin' bucket of them left over even though i only ate like nine of them. did get to steal the pumpkins from the front of church however. so that's sort of in the spirit of things, i guess. serves them right, selling pumpkins for their fundraiser, then brainwashing the kids there that Halloween is evil. it's true, KT said "Happy Halloween!" to some little brat and the kid shook his head and said, "noooo, Halloween is bad!" poor little waterhead will grow up so confused he might stick his dick in a pumpkin and pray for forgiveness every time he smiles at the Charlie Brown Halloween Special.

the last radio show went real good. they get better every time (with the exception of the night of the transmitter crash aka "The Night of the Comet") and i tried to record the live feed off the internet but it crashed after three hours and now i have the show saved but chopped into these little ten-second clips that won't go back together without skips between them. the theme for the night was my thirtysome jobs i've had in my life and what i hated about every. single. one of them. i only got to something like job number seventeen and ran out of time because you can't really talk for more than a minute between songs without sounding like a complete tool. might do the last half of my job-hating next time around.

saw something last night on "Dateline" that angered me. they were setting up "online predators" by baiting them in online chatrooms then telling them to meet somewhere and then they ambush them with cameras and stern questioning in an empty house when they stumble in looking for the promise of 14 year-old sex. before i get to that though, let me preface my comments with too other examples of how you can fuck up a righteous cause by being a smug self-serving grand-standing asshole. a long time ago, like most people, i wanted to read everything i could about the Holocaust. and i get to this book called "Nazi Doctors" and there's this narrator relating a story about a Nazi "doctor" (they put the name in quotes every time to make sure the reader understood they weren't real "doctors." uh, we get it moron, thanks) who takes a baby and bashes it's head against a bed. i was reading that and, for some reason, it sounded false. now don't come at me with that "are you saying the Holocaust never happened!" or "see, the Holocaust never happened!" crap. this has nothing to do with that. i just got the feeling that the writer thought he had to keep topping himself with atrocities and that was his weak imagination doing the talking. his shitty writing and reporting made the rest of his book suspect. fast forward to Andrea Dworkin's book "Pornography." she's relating rape stories by these victims and i'm with her until she gets to this college girl talking about some fraternity rape and this girl's testimony starts to sound like those rash of laughable "my-satan-worshiping-family-made-me-drink-blood" hypnotherapy confession sessions that were popular about ten years ago. i started thinking "bullshit!" about two paragraphs into her story and BAM! the rest of the book was suspect. before you judge me, you have to picture the bad writing and shallow imagination at work in these testimonies. frat boys talking like James Bond villains. girls forced to dance and laugh and get drunk at gunpoint. diabolical plots to have her fuck every one of them over a period of three days where she feared for her life but told no one and ended up dating one of them for six more months. you'd think these frat house would be closed and they'd all be in jail right? but hmmmm, no one believed her. wonder why?

so both these books did the seemingly impossible. They made me unsympathetic for no-brainer arguments. they weren't happy with rape and Nazis being bad enough, oh no. the authors had to let their lack of imagination submarine the cause.

so anyway, i'm watching them bait and sting these pedophiles and sure enough, my anger towards the "online predators" turns into an intense hatred for the posturing fuck who steps up to question these men with the unspoken understanding that he's some kind of cop. because of the smug attitude and questioning by this host and the crappy exploitative nature of the "news" show (notice the quotes? that means i DON'T think it's "real," ah ha!) because of these things, the impossible happens! i actually start sticking up for the pedophiles! imagine that, a TV host that comes across worse than a fucking pedophile. the other people in the room watching the show were, of course, disagreeing with me but when they tell the one sick bastard to strip down so he's naked when he walks into their ambush i'm about ready to shoot my fucking TV Elvis style. of course he does walk in there naked because he's lonely and insane and they let him because it's great TV! and the host comes around the corner all serious saying, "why are you doing this?" and i'm screaming "BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM TO FUCKFACE." that's one step away from telling him to stick his thumb up his ass for a million dollars then jumping out of the bushes with a camera to say all self-righteous "what kind of man sticks his thumb up his ass? what's the matter with you?" and because this show was such a pile of exploitative shit (not to mention homophobic, most of the men were coming to hook up with boys. that's no accident since the show knows that Joe Blow loves to see dem faggots get what they deserve!) i started to look for more ways to sympathize with these men getting lured with the promise of 14 year-olds. and i'm thinking, notice they didn't use a fake 5 year-old? that's because the show knows, as well as anyone that sees ten seconds of ads on TV, that today a 14-year old boy or girl bears little or no resemblance to a 14 year-old from even 5 years ago. so fuck "Dateline." why couldn't this guy get shived like the host of "Cheaters?" it was like watching "Dog: The Pussy-Ass Bounty Hunter" when i'm rooting for the host to get a shotgun blast to the face right in the middle of his sermonizing. and what did that fucker do last night, huh? this "Dateline" host with the frown and his fake-cop attitude that keeps these men sitting there scared of him? what did he do last night? bang some high school groupie? kick his dog? jerk-off to a cheerleading magazine in the bathroom at a bookstore? fuck him and that show. i'd love to fake being a pedophile to go to their fake set-up so i could sit there naked wearing swimfins like they told me to and i'd be like "we'll get to my perversions in a second, first let's look at these..." and then i'd take some ominous black and white (photoshopped) pictures out of a sinister manilla envelope i was hiding in my ass and i'd reveal my fake action shots of the host fucking a chicken or his own microphone and ask him all serious "why do you feel the urge to do this kind of thing?"

::: david - 10:11 AM [+] :::
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