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Monday, October 17, 2005

"Ain't no thing but a chicken wing..."
- Outkast


need to post something. kind of in a rut lately. job is dull as fuck. every time i'm there i can think of a hundred other things i need to be doing. tired of Pittsburg. saw an Escalade today with a handicap sticker in the window. now, i don't want to jump to conclusions but there are two possible ways that someone is taking advantage of something there. finally saw "History of Violence," thought it was decent. surprised by the stuff that Cronenberg decided to leave out. in the comic book the main character's brother isn't a mobster, he's being held hostage by the mobsters. for like twenty years. on a meat hook. with his arms cut off. very harsh and the kind of thing that Cronenberg usually goes for. this movie is too mainstream and for him it's just a jerk-off. good shot of a man choking on his own smashed nose though.

right now out my window is a little show i refer to as "Crack Head Theater." starring this dumb bitch that lives in my apartment building who is always running around the parking lot laughing and getting into various cars for drug deals or some such obvious crap. sometimes she'll come out in her professional disguise (sunglasses and a baseball cap) and lurk around the dumpster rubbing sun-tan oil on her shriveled white arms and scabby knees. i have some pictures of her hijinx (stumbling around with a bottle of vodka) i'll try to dig them up. right now the crack-head is standing by the road and every time someone pulls in the parking lot, she quickly acts as if she's walking up or down the stairs. what a fucking dunce. i love how drug-addled morons are convinced that they're so sly and they're actually the most obvious idiots on the planet.

ever notice on the newer videogames that, even though they've added expensive new effects and voice actors to some classic characters (Crash Bandicoot villians for example) it has somehow given them less personality?

been listening to a lot of Outkast lately. even though, like my friend steve said, without the skits their albums would be fifteen mintues long, i still think they're the best at what they do ("i fight fires! it's what i do!" - Backdraft) and i like the fact that the one dude has a shark tank in his garage. that reminds me. anyone see that book about the genius who thought he was some kind of Bear Whisperer? it's called "The Grizzly Maze" and it talks about this guy who thought it would be a good idea to run around on all fours and live with the bears. guess what happened to him? he got FUCKING EATEN. all that was left was his head. his girlfriend also got eaten, right after she recorded him getting eaten. then i think the videotape got eaten. point is, there was a lot of eating. that doesn't happen enough, you know? animals just suddenly eating someone? you'd think it would happen more. you always here about how dangerous these animals are but there's like ten shows with guys swimming with crocodiles and having all these scary "near misses" from some snapping jaws. they have to get lucky at some point, right? i keep hoping. it's like the host of the show "Cheater" where he gets all righteous and jams his microphone in the face of someone who was fucking around, or getting fucking around on. you know what happened to him? he got eaten. just kidding. no, he only got STABBED IN THE GUTS. how funny was that??? reality show host gets shanked! should have been more headlines with those words. he gets on this boat and gets in this dude's face and says something like "how can you do this to your - GLORP!" knife in the stomach. i laughed so hard when i saw that i scared the crack-head and she dove into the dumpster.

but i was thinking, if Grizzly Man can try to be the Bear Whisperer, I want to be the Shark Whisperer. i mean, that one guy was riding on a shark in the opening scene of "Deep Blue Sea" and that's a true story, right? my god! the sharks are using tools!

::: david - 10:04 PM [+] :::
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