..:S...P...I...D...E...R...B...I...T...E...S:..

Thursday, August 18, 2005

"With a dying world below, and a microphone..."
-Live

here's a question for you:

what's a better invention? the "Cheese-us?" or Fish Jerky? these are two things i thought up recently and they didn't generate a tenth of the excitement i had when i thought of 'em. The "Cheese-us" would simply be a Jesus...made out of cheese!!! think about that! fucking genius. you could subsitute it for communion wafers. and my other invention is Fish Jerky. i had four bags of jerky at work and was thinking, why not Fish Jerky? just the name Fish Jerky sounds cool enough to start making it. who's with me? anyway, the "Cheese-us" almost inspired a call to the human resources complaint line at work. didn't happen though, probably because i was begging for them to call, cause that's just free publicity for my "Cheese-us!" never mind.

yes, The Devil's Rejects is a masterpiece. it is the nastiest movie i've seen in a looooong time. it's the movie you wanted when you saw "House of 1000 Corpses" and said, "goddammit, this is the same cutesy post-modern bullshit that Rob Zombie said he was tired of." notice the perfect 1970's credit sequence. i thought it was "The Wild Bunch" for a minute when the dude says "if they move kill 'em" then POW "directed by Sam Peckinpah" comes on the screen. except this time the dude goes, "you're not getting off that easy bitch" or something equally inspiring and POW "directed by Bobby Zombie" on the screen and these big monolithic letters for the title. so 70's i almost dug out my 45 of "Seasons in the Sun." and notice the only time "Freebird" has ever been cranked where it doesn't make you groan. that alone is a milestone. added bonuses, forced sodomy at gunpoint, taunting of Christians, unexplained multi-racial families, dude from "Dawn of the Dead," Zombie's wife's naked ass, the chick from "Tremors 2" naked and humiliated, and more dust and blood and highways than i could have hoped for. good shit. this is what a horror movie should be like. it should make you feel all wrong, like you're 9 and you sneaked into something you shouldn't have.

i still have no computer. i'm at the radio station trying to post and host at the same time. so there will be typos here and wrong songs played there. not yet though. some guy just requested an 8 minute Stone Roses song, and since requests have been scare tonight i'm going to play it. i'm trying to showcase Stereophonics with a song an hour by them since they got that new "Sex Violence Other" album out. i heard a couple songs off it and it sounded like the Doves to me. not sure how i feel about that.

lately i can't read anything about the Evolution Vs. Intelligent Design (aka Flat Earth Theory) without a vein in my balls throbbing in anger. i do recommend the article in the new issue of The New Republic for the last word on the subject. there's enough information in there to destroy any Creationist in zero point two seconds.

here's some more hate-mail i sent to hack reporters. this one going to a newspaper in my hometown of Toledo:

----------

i just read the Bob Frantz article about the potential 911 movie and i have to comment on what a worthless piece that was. never mind his right-wing slant, what a lousy bit of writing. he had no point when he started and none when he finished. it read like a zero draft, like a rambling high school paper. how do you employ someone with such a lack of skill? the disrespect for the craft of writing (even if it is just an editorial) is appalling.

but what i liked most about this man's article was the way he summed up the combination fetish/horror reaction to everything 911. he's exactly the same person that says "remove the Trade Center from the poster of the new Spiderman movie! we haven't healed yet!" then turns around and buys a 50 dollar commemorative 911 coin, made from metal found a ground zero. think about that? what's more offensive? maybe it's the person who collects that coin because he can't understand that he's the worst kind of rubbernecker and death junkie and tries to pass himself off as a patriot. meanwhile, no movie can EVER show the trade center and it must be erased from the current ones because this tragedy needs to be hijacked for some obvious grandstanding. i would love to take a roll of those 911 coins in my fist and punch every one of these people straight in the mouth.

-djk
pittsburgh

-----------

no response this time though. last time i sent something to him he fired back "thanks for reading!" which pretty much negated everything i had to say. i guess i didn't learn my lesson. listening to The Lemonheads now. these songs are too short, don't even give you time to juggle the cds. you know, it's so true about how you run out of favorite songs almost immediately when you're deejaying. i've come to rely on requests as my lifeline to fill the last two hours.

p.s. just noticed Mike Vernon from the Red Wings is talking trash in my comment box on the previous post down there. he should realize that the last time he actually won a fight was against our mutual friend Jerry. it wasn't pretty and, strangely enough, it was on TV...

::: david - 2:02 AM [+] :::
...