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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

"Brown water streamed in at the alarming rate of a cow pissing."
- "Cold Mountain," Charles Frazier

"You want a toe? I'll get you a toe by three o'clock."
- "The Big Lebowski"


Finally watched "Cold Mountain." not good. and they kill so many creatures in that flick they should have called it "Animal Massacre 1861" since they kill the rooster for laughs, chop up the cow for momentum, and stab that goat in the neck for...symbolism? jesus fucking christ, at the end when the little girl says "don't kill it" when the mom is putting the wool over that sheep i was yelling the same thing. when i tune in to a Civil War movie, i want to see HUMANS getting massacred. if i wanted to see animal abuse i'd go to the circus. i did like the part when Jude Law was dragging like ten dudes chained to him. hell, that could have gone on for another half hour and i'd be happy. they never stretch the cool shit out long enough. like the guy ripping out the toilet in Boondock Saints. that could have lasted much longer. how about he rips out TWO toilets??? then juggles that shit in slo-motion! or like "Return of the King" when Rudy was carrying Frodo up the mountain. real feel-good moment that lasted about 10 seconds. i would have had Rudy carry Gandalf carry Frodo carry Gollum about two miles. crying the whole way about seeing strawberries again someday in the shire.

so here's a story where i don't do shit and feel bad later:

there's this mom and kid in the bookstore and the kid has some sort of metal disorder that's making him bark out noises and cough and people are getting nervous and starting to sneak looks at them. you'd think that everyone would realize that the kid is obvioiusly autistic or something and not just unruly but no, some cocksucker has to make his disappoval known to all. this prick comes up to me to ask where a book is and the kid barks out a "No!" and the prick says to me (grinning like i'm his poker buddy) "little bastard needs his ass whooped." i look at him in disbelief, frowning and he snaps at me, "i guess no one around here has got a sense of humor." i mumble, "well, i think there's something wrong with the kid and-" asshole snaps, "so what. no excuse." i wander away gritting my teeth, find a couple co-workers to tell the story to, then get mad enough to find the prick to say something to him. he's long gone of course. so i'm gutless. didn't say shit when i had the chance and i'd probably give up one of my fingers (maybe not, maybe just a toe) in order to say this to that fuckwit:

"You know what? You're right! They've been tying to understand that affliction for decades but you stumbled on to the cure. a smack upside the head and POW! the kid is cured! you're a fucking genius. all this time and the cure to autism was right there in front of us. a backhand from a self-righteous fuckhead and the kid stops writing numbers in his shit, blinks twice then looks around the room to say, "i'm sorry mom!" at first i didn't believe it, but it's clear that you knew how to handle the situation. my mistake, your work here is done, doctor!"

that's what i should have said.

but i didn't.

::: david - 1:28 PM [+] :::
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