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Saturday, February 14, 2004

“Barry. This is dead air. Dead. Air.”
- Talk Radio

“Those are somebody’s hands??? What are you touching them for???”
- State of Grace

“Sorry. Laundry day.”
- Die Hard With A Vengeance


damn. haven’t been on here in a while. got to fire off some thoughts or else everyone will tune out. hmm. let’s see. if all else fails i go to the well up there under the title. okay, how about some books, music and movies.

books........dug out Shakespeare’s Titus Androgynous just to read what Aaron says before he gets hung. that’s my favorite villain speech of all time. they ask if he has any regrets and he’s all: “yeah, i regret i couldn’t fuck up more shit yo!” then he goes on to list the things he used to do for fun. i let anyone who’s bored, and has some Shakespeare lying around, dig it up for themselves. OR you could watch the movie version “Titus” they do that speech word for word.

movies.......got some library cards so i can do the free movie thing. been getting some real crap cause it’s free! nothing really to speak of. unless you want a breakdown of “Chicken Run” or “Nothing To Lose.” was surprised that they killed that first chicken though. was that necessary? little harsh for a kids flick.

music.........picked up a couple cds lately, and finally listened to some for the first time, even though i’ve had them cracked open for months. like Outkast Speakerboxxx/Love Below or whatever. good stuff i guess. none of the songs are as good as “Gasoline” off Stankonia though. steve was right about the skits. that shit is annoying as hell. easily graft together a great single cd with the material on here. oh well. did enjoy the ad for the Pit Bulls inside the liner notes. oh, i finally picked up a Fugazi because my old college buddy Jim suggested it and i don’t think i got the one he said though. i got “The Argument” because it had a sweet cover and that’s how i judge ‘em! i have no idea what these guys will sound like but since me and Jim were probably the only ones to drive around for hours listening to the Infectious Grooves, i’ve got high hopes.

Oh yeah, after months and months of top ten lists and massive press and exposure, you know what it finally takes for me to listen to the White Stripes? all it takes is a bloody picture of a beating that Jack White apparently rained down on some other musician. that’s right. you can call them the “saviors of rock” and claim “Seven Nation Army” has the “best hook of the year” and put them on fifty magazine covers and i’ll hear none of it and just swat at my ear like there was a mosquito. however. when i see a cartoon re-enactment of a bar fight (think it was in this months “Blender”) suddenly POW i’m a new fan. eyewitness described Jack White’s signature move, a move which proves without a doubt that he’s from the Midwest:

“when (whatever the dude’s name was) didn’t respond to his threats, White spit in his face. then, when he turned to walk away, White punched him in the side of the face. his right hand was like a jackhammer. he had to be pulled off. i think he hit him fifteen times at least...”

aaaaaaaawwwwwwww yeah. the classic suckerpunch. the only thing better than “the side of the face” is “the back of the face” aka “the back of the head!” right where that little knob of bone is. right where you’re multiplication tables are stored. and when you mix the suckerpunch with the rapid-fire right hand? you gots a lethal combination that can quickly end any chance of you getting hurt. it saved my ass all through college, just ask Jim up there. the only thing that would have made the incident a perfect example is if White would have ran out the door afterwards. here’s to ya, Jack. now i’m finally glad that you have a song about Toledo. listening to it right now.

wait a minute! hold the fucking phone. here’s a book i just saw today that i almost forgot about. anyone see this shit?

it’s my nemesis. that Photomosaic fuck again. except this time something even more disturbing is going on. you’ll notice that he makes an American flag out of the faces of the 911 victims. except this time, the cheat is not the shading of different photos to create the larger image. no, there’s something even worse. this time he repeats victims faces in order to fill up the flag. think about that for a second. without a closer look you can’t really tell, you just know it’s a flag made from pictures of the dead. but up close you’ll see that he used the same faces over and over to fill the page. see what he’s done here? by doing this, he is tricking you into thinking that there’s more victims than there are. just like those people that were actually disappointed when the body count dropped by a couple thousand on the news. they know who the fuck they are too. they don’t say it out loud, but they WANT to have been around for something horrible and they WANT those numbers to be as high as possible. i got their fucking number. i can see it in their eyes every time they talk about it. anyway, this photomosaic could have been done with larger pictures of the dead to fill up the flag (he could have used his shading cheat if he had to) but that wouldn’t be good enough. you know why? because they want more faces, they wish there were more faces, they want more of an impact with as many tiny little faces as possible. you might think this is a minor point, but think about this for a second. what if someone decided that the Vietnam wall would be more impressive if it was taller, so they decided to repeat some names? see what i’m saying? how come nobody blows the whistle on this shit? i’m on it though. i’m making my own Photomosaic to send to them. it’s thousands of pictures of my balls, which at a distance, take the shape of my balls.

every time i see one of those things i lose my mind. puts me in a shitty mood so now i got to share something nasty:

you know what i just realized? it’s laundry day. right now my bed is like a crime scene. blood, sweat, semen and wait a minute. it’s even got the white outline of a body! all i need is the yellow tape across the doorway!

p.s. Chuck's story "Guts" (from the reading that made such an impact on my navigator that evening) has finally been published. it's in this month's Playboy. crap artwork though. read it. you'll smile or gag guaranteed. that issue also has the best sentence to ever come out of Jim Carrey's mouth. "the answer is not in Miss March's pussy." made me stop and think for zero point two seconds.

happy Valentine’s Day fuckers. here’s the best three things i ever got.

::: david - 8:57 PM [+] :::
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