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Wednesday, January 28, 2004

"Everyone wants to be the carnival queen..."
- Stereophonics

"I feel kind of...invincible."
- Jack Burton in Big Trouble In Little China


girl comes up to me at work and holds out an issue of "Cigar Afficianado" and asks "do you find this attractive?"
on the cover is a female chomping on a big-ass cigar. i study it a moment and decide, "no." you know why? three reasons. first of all, it was some actress so i didn't believe that she really smoked cigars and since cigars are kind of fake smoking anyway, this is like fake fake smoking. second, clearly this is supposed to be some phallic thing with the big shaft in her teeth and, if that's the case, it's not working because Freud would call that a big black dick in her mouth and mine ain't black. so i'm like left outside of that fantasy looking in, you know what i mean? and third, since it's clear what she supposed to be simulating, the biggest problem is that she's grinning at the same time so that means there's lots of teeth involved. teeth = bad. in this situation, very bad. i mean, teeth are bad if that's what we're supposed to be thinking about. now, i realize that they couldn't put a girl on the cover smoking a cigar on her knees while she carefully ties her hair behind her head. actually, if i ever saw that i might buy that issue, and i don't smoke cigars. i'm just saying...

meanwhile...someone read my story down there! i wish that i could send you a prize and be like Willy Wonka who waits patiently for the kid to give back the candy and then says "bam! the chocolate factory is yours!" but i don't have a chocolate factory to give. just thanks. feel good. someone actually read my shit. nodding and smiling. cracking my knuckles over the typewriter. i could stop a bullet right now.

::: david - 5:41 PM [+] :::
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