..:S...P...I...D...E...R...B...I...T...E...S:..

Sunday, October 29, 2006

"It’s good to work, Jerry. but it’s also good to play.
The Ant and the Grasshopper...
Once upon a time there was a grasshopper.
All summer long, the ant worked hard.
The grasshopper playeded the violin...he danced.
Winter came. The ant grew fat.
The grasshopper, he grew cold.
The grasshopper ate the ant."
- "Things Change"

"Everyone I love is...dead."
- Type O Negative


i was listening to the new Hold Steady tonight (finally had a chance to soak it all in) and it's good. real good. it truly is their "Born To Run" finally with all that piano and big guitar solos (i like the hockey organ a lot too) but this is my one complaint (since Matt already covered the "less lyrics" thing) i don't think he's reminiscing enough on here. i think that he's been hanging around the kids too much, maybe getting a little too popular. and anyone who's talked to any "Boys and Girls in America" these days will understand that they ain't really got shit to say. sure there's some real cool parts that sound like great drunken musings. however, back in the day, my teenage friends' drunken musings usually sounded like this:

"dude. dude. i drank 90 fucking beers."
"okay, you drank a lot, but come on. 90 beers?"
"Dave, why do you have to be an asshole?"
"dude, why do you have to exaggerate? yes, you drank more than anyone in Northwest Ohio drank tonight. you win. you're the big winner. why cheapen your victory?"
"how do you know i didn't drink 90 beers? why would you be counting my beers? what the fuck's wrong with you that you'd pay so much attention to what i do? huh, Dave?"
"we didn't buy 90 beers, fuckface. there's no way you drank 90 beers."
"you know, i hate drinking with you. when you need your ass kicked, let me know."
"how about now?"

at this point Jerry would attack me and i would pin him to the ground and dump a box of cereal or a potten plant on his head. wait, did i say "Jerry?" i didn't mean to be so specific. hold on, now that i think about it, it was always you, wasn't Jerr-Bear? for anyone not familiar with Jerry, he's since moved to Denver, but his greatest hits sometimes pops up on this blog, like right here.

anyway, what was my point? oh yeah. that dialogue up there doesn't make for the best song. actually, maybe it would. but the music on the new Hold Steady is better than "Separation Sunday." i will give them that. maybe if they combined the two.

okay, to be fair to Jerry for slandering him up there, i'll offer up one of his better moments:

back in high school, Jerry got obsessed with the Beatles song "Day Tripper" and he would sing the chorus constantly but change the lyrics to reflect his thoughts for the day. therefore the lyrics...

"it took me so long to find out...but i found out" would then become:

"it took me so long to get head...but i got head" or
"it took you so long to fuck a dog...but you fucked a dog" or
"it took me so long to take a shit...but i took that shit"

and so on and so on. this went on for weeks.

what other music did i just get? just bought My Chemical Romance "The Black Parade" because i'm a sucker for a concept album every time. and it had cool artwork. and it's good. it's just as gay as Queen and sounds just as great as Queen when you play it loud. they sound like a young Queen, like their first three albums that rocked before they got bogged down in disco. yes, it's hard not to get annoyed with the little simpering emo boys, i'm sorry "screamo" boys, however, if you just think of them as the greatest chick band ever, you're all set! loud in the car is best for this cd. did i say that already? speaking of, this leads me to another topic from the other night. a friend of mine was complaining how she can't find any assertive males, or any guys out there these days that will "be dominant." well, it's no wonder when apparenly at a concert these days (insert sound of grumpy old man rattling a newspaper whenever i say "these day") you can catch sight of a thong sticking out of back of some dude's black jeans. i mean, that's the new shtick, the latest style, right? didn't they already do that though? just like Charlie Murphey said on the Prince Hollywood story, "in the 80s, the dude that looked the most like a bitch got the most ass!" so, if we're going to continue to buy these sad-eyed, scrawny, ennui-soaked boys' music, we got to pay the price by having the new crop kids immitate them. and don't let the Geico commercials fool you. cavemen are out these days. speaking of commercials, if you want to combine two flavors like that old Reeses commercial where the guy with the chocolate bar stumbles into the guy with the peanut butter jar (and why was that fat fuck eating fistfulls of peanut butter out of the jar??) then you should listen to Type O Negative!!! it's good October music. lots of mopy, brooding, Burtonesque behavior mixed with a healthy supply of musclebound, lunkheaded idiocy. imagine if one of these recent androginous eyeliner bands worked out like crazy, got all huge on the free weights, then played their gloom rock to a packed crowd of little darklings. they'd come across like a bunch of dickheads, of course. they'd start making fun of the drama in their songs about halfway through. and they do! and i love this crap. lots of green and black. that's what the album covers look like and that's what the music sounds like. judge an album by its cover, dammit. green and black. see, they aren't just in all black like those little gloomcookies! they're green, too! that's the color of jealousy, anger, the dominant macho behavior you're secretly craving right now!

i'm listening to "World Coming Down" as we speak while I watch "The Outlaw Jose Wales" with the subtitles on. it's a minor Eastwood western, and the first 49 times he spit tobacco juice on that dog's head were funny. but the 50th time seemed kind of cruel. gave me an idea for my western though. which is the whole point.

here's some rapid fire music reviews:

-The New Cars "It's Alive": suprisingly rockin' live album from 1/4th of The Cars and Todd Rundgren. the two new songs suck though

-The Killers "Sam's Town": first three songs are decent then skip straight to song 10 ("River Wild") which makes it almost worth the 10 bucks.

-Outkast "Idlewild": their worst, which only makes it better than all other rap cds

-Pete Yorn "Nightcrawler": cool vampire (?) song that sounds like "Simonize" (his other good song)

-The Raconteurs "Broken Boy Soldiers": good, i guess. i never feel like listening to it though

-Nick Drake "Bryter Lyter": better than "Pink Moon," not as good as "Five Leaves Left"

-Slayer "Christ Illusion": good album cover

-Muse "Black Holes & Revelations": stupid album cover

whoa! i want to grow a beard like that grizzled fucker! crazed Confederates running amok on my TV right now. i could grow a beard like that. i'm going to. starting...now.

hey, here's the new booth at the new station. last show went decent. not too many callers. although one of my old bandmates, one of the original founding members of The Bucketmen did do some drunk dialing that night. can't fault Diamond Dog though, he was only 48 hours out of rehab. the theme that night was requesting songs you'd want played at your funeral. 97% of drunken Pittsburgh wants Johnny Cash played at their funeral. that or "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." a lot of them wanted that one, too. but i think you'd better have died in a shipwreck if you play that. i mean, what if you choked on a peach pit, then had that played at your funeral? you'd look kind of silly dead in your coffin wouldn't you? unless you filled the coffin with water and put some little boats in it. check out Clint with the rain coming off his cowboy hat. that makes me want to get rained on right now. and have a name that sounds like "clit."

and here's my pumpkin this year. i carve one every Halloween. this one is based on the short stories of my classmates in my writing workshop. i took it to class just like i did with my ant farm in 4th grade. too bad that ended in tears.

i need orange juice. i'm going to the store. if i don't come back to this tonight, just remember:

how do we know green to you is green to me?

i came back. here's another side of the pumpkin by request. and i was hoping some of you would tell me what song you'd want to (not) here at your funeral.

::: david - 11:59 PM [+] :::
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