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Thursday, April 28, 2005

"I remember I could see the webs in the trees."
"Spider's webs?"
"Of course spider's webs. Who else makes webs?"
- "Spider"

finally completed my Cronenberg collection with "Spider." should i be alarmed that the crazy bastard's journals look just like mine? also just watched "Primer" aka "What The Fuck?" imagine the guys from Office Space hanging out in a garage circling an ominous box instead of a dictionary opened to the word "launder." imagine "Pi" without all that easy math talk. that's about what "Primer" felt like. just realized that the commentary on "Bubba Ho-Tep" is better than the movie. they got Bruce Campbell pretending to be Elvis watching a movie with Bruce Campbell pretending to be Elvis. but the commentary Elvis is apparently the real Elvis. get it? hilarious. heading to Toledo for some wedding action. me, my sister and brother (and future step-sisters and brothers) are getting rooms at a hotel and hopefully we will be burning it to the ground. more on that later. got my flask filled and the fins sharpened on my shark-skinned suit and i'm ready to go.

came across a great book called "The Men Who Stare At Goats" about some crazy bastards back in the seventies that thought they had psychic powers. the twist is that our goverment believed in this nonsense and financed them hoping they could walk through walls or explode goats and hamsters by staring at them. surprise, they never did anything, but that didn't stop Special Forces and 4 star generals from keeping the faith. also, crazy half-wit John Ashcroft re-activated the program when he was in charge of Homeland Security. that's the only part of the book that didn't surprise me.

why am i not turning off this TV?

okay, this is the first i've been back in my apartment in like a week. i'm going to sleep to the sounds of Nick Cave and hope my eye stops twitching. remind me to tell you about a bunch of crazy shit later. or not.

::: david - 11:26 AM [+] :::
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"Treat serious matters like they're nothing and unimportant shit like it's the most important thing in the world."
- Way of the Samurai (new translation)


just played Swervedriver's "Last Train To Satansville" because i was thinking about Stevey and how he recommded that song because of the title. i actually got it in the mail from another friend who sent it on filled with grass and dirt. that wouldn't be as funny to you if you knew that he stores his music in the water tank behind his toilet. actually he's a little less careful than that. another good thing about the Swervedriver song is that it's seven plus minutes long and it finally inspired J to take the headphones off and run to take a shit and stop crop-dusting this booth. on a more personal note, he just got a this man-purse thing that makes him look like he's carrying a small gourd. okay, the last time i was at the radio station i swore i'd start getting into Leonard Cohen but i started listening to Captain Beefheart instead. Great stuff. reminds me of Tom Waits' strangest moments.

not much to say tonight. work was work and play was play. you know, with Mother's Day approaching i've noticed all these Mother Teresa books on display everywhere. isn't that stretching the definition a little far? i mean, is she really someone's mom? or does she just have "mother" in her name. hell, they should be stacking Motherlovebone and Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention cds on the same tables if that's the case. damn it's cold up here. i keep forgetting to dress warm every time. since i'm hard-pressed for ideas tonight i'll go to the well up there under the title and pick three words at random:

dreams: i had a dream three nights ago that there was a fire and i was trying to tell this girl to call 911 and she lied to me and said she didn't have a phone. the next day after this dream, i came home and gagged at the door when i realized i'd left the gas on by not turning off the burner all the way. spoooooooooooky.

tantrums: don't you love that moment of silence when a small child wipes out on the ground and prepares to let loose a blood-curdling scream? the wind-up is more fun that watching a cat play with a water balloon.

threats: for all 18-and-under boys out there. if you are walking by me and you spit on the ground one more time, i will grab you by your neck and choke you until your face resembles one of those stress-relieving office squeeze-toys. i may kill you, right there in front of your whole carefully disheveled "crew." do you really want that? you don't want that, right? then swallow that shit. you don't want a stranger to flip your head back like a pez dispenser, do you? i know it's your worst fear to look stupid, and i will happily give you something to cringe thinking about for the rest of your life. you don't want that, right? then don't spit on the ground in front of me anymore. you see, you don't look tough when you do it. you look like a child who is confused by his body, like a baby with a runny nose. really, what the fuck are you doing? did you just lick an envelope? did a bug fly in when your jaw was slack? did you just have your face buried in your buddy's ass? what's up? the closest i came to grabbing a stranger (outside of college nonsense) was in the grocery store at like midnight where these people just kept creeping closer and closer to me in line. for some reason i was losing my mind over it and slowly extended my arms to increase my personal space and the people behind me took a step back. i was seriously going to put my hand on this dude's chest and gently but firmly move him the fuck BACK. but i didn't. anyway. these boys won't get the same consideration. so stop spitting you little bastards or i'm going to fucking kill you.

speaking of eating ass, i was having a loud conversation on the subject at work and someone got offended and told on me. actually someone that wasn't even present for my short yet informative lecture on the subject was the one who told on me. isn't that circumstantial evidence, hearsay or something? i mean, how can someone be offended when they weren't even there? i said these things in front of people i knew wouldn't care, can i help it if one of THEM decided to give a play-by-play to someone i would never have included in my five-part PBS series "The Men Who Eat Ass And The Girls Who Love Them?" i can't be held responsible for the exaggerated end of the telephone game that probably didn't give my speech the justice or hand and face gestures that it deserved. hell, unless they were talking about it at the bowling alley, they probably didn't have access to the same props and overhead projectors that i did. that reminds me, i went bowling for the first time in like 20 years! i threw two strikes in a row right when i started and i just assumed it would keep happening. alas, it was the only two strikes of the night, even though i hit the same damn spot on those pins over and over. also i learned that throwing it harder doesn't help much except to make the ball bounce twice before impact and make the locals frown. the snack bar at this bowling alley was hysterical. it was Little Debbies and gumballs in a bucket for like a quarter each. it was like this handful of stuff that someone found in their kitchen junk drawer. the place didn't have the Battletanks video game that i remembered from my youth though.

hey, anyone watch the PBS two-part documentary "Unforgivable Blackness?" informative disturbing stuff. made me want to listen to the Bob Dylan "Hurricane" song right after.

today i realized that "Kill Bill 2," "Ghost Dog," and "Way of the Gun" slowly get better each time you watch them. however "Usual Suspects," "Garden State" and Fraggle Rock episodes get worse.

everyone who can, download Captain Beefheart's "Electricity" and smile.

::: david - 1:49 AM [+] :::
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