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Sunday, July 04, 2004

“the ratio of people to cake is not sufficient...”
- Milton from "Office Space"

saw a free concert on the North Shore of Pittsburgh today. first it was going to be Hootie so i wasn’t that interested, but then at the last minute i found out it was Cake so it was worth checking out. good show. they sound great live and they have an actual horn player (for some reason i just assumed that their horn sounds were a synthesizer) and the lead singer has an infectious laid-back happy thing going on. he looked down at the V.I.P. seats that were blocked off and half full and suggested that the rest of the crowd swarm the area. about one song later i was moving with a group of people over the barricades and standing on one of those V.I.P. seats. funny as hell. the rich pricks had to stand up to see for once. people must have been trying to do something else up there because the singer started saying, “hey people, let’s all look at the progress we just made and be happy with that, let’s not push it to far and instead we can, like, be content with what we have achieved this evening.” it was a good time. if those V.I.P. seats would have been filled, if the ratio of people to Cake would have been sufficient, then maybe that revolt would not have happened. maybe a lesson will be learned and they won’t waste so much space in front of the stage next time. anyway, it was worth every dollar. wait, it only cost a dollar. wait, that’s what i’m saying.

there was also this guy yelling “shut the fuck up!” and that was funny enough, but then it turned out that it was actually the name of a song that he was requesting. it would have been funnier if it wasn’t.

oh yeah, two girls that were up on people’s shoulders flashed their tits to show their appreciation for their favorite song and i started thinking, isn’t that a strange way to show your approval? i tried it while driving the other day (this is 100% true) and i pulled my dick out when a particularly good song came on the radio. i yanked it out and said in a conversational tone, “you know, this is a really good song,” and the girl next to me just shook her head. maybe i need to be on someone’s shoulders for it to be less awkward.

and what’s up with the lead singer? he was cracking me up. he seemed to be fascinated by 1.) the Bayer clock advertisement on the hill, 2.) the lighted cable-car coming down the same hill, 3.) the big water fountain and 4.) fireflies! he was saying, “wow, we don’t have those in northern California!" is that true? are fireflies that exotic? i wonder if he thought they could sting. i wish they could. any crazy bug that fucking LIGHTS UP should be able to sting you, ya know?

people kept saying to use these past couple of days to write something, and when i would hear that i would get annoyed thinking, “why the hell would i want to write about THAT?” so i worked on a different story instead. now i’ve looked back and i can see that, even though it's saying nothing specific about the incident, that’s obviously what it is all about. oops. i’ll be posting it tomorrow. it’s called “Squirt Guns and Firing Squads” and it's better than the last thing you read, i swear. if not i’ll give you your time back by playing with your watch when you aren’t looking.

i noticed a bunch of dead raccoons on the road this past week and every single one of them was against the barrier in the middle of a divided highway. i was thinking, why not take a jack-hammer and bust some holes in those barriers every couple of feet? you know, like those cartoon mouse holes, so that the animals wouldn’t hit the barrier, get confused, run sniffing along it until they turned back and POW! i think their odds for survival would go up if they could keep their forward momentum going, see what i’m saying?

now that i think about it, that applies to humans too. odds for survival stay up as long as you have forward momentum.

::: david - 6:14 PM [+] :::
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