..:S...P...I...D...E...R...B...I...T...E...S:..

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

"There's always one more town a little further down the tracks..."
- Nick Cave

"You better get your head and your ass wired together!"
- Full Metal Jacket


first i had quotes about quotes and now i've got blogs about blogs! that's as crazy as a soup sandwich! so i've been catching up on some peoples sites and found all sorts of surprises today. i can't put any names on here because apparently they spook easy. so i'll just look through the lens and describe what i'm seeing. okay, maybe they don't spook easy, maybe they're more like those ashes you try to pick them up and look real close and you end up crushing into nothing instead (what you say? i'm going to make less sense than usual because, as the song goes, "I drink alone!") either way, i'm going to tell you what i see without the burden of facts to back me up. this, of course, means that i'm not to be trusted.

anyway, the first surprise is this one blog i frequent is gone (?!?) no goodbye, no back-in-an-hour sign swinging on the door, no one playing hockey up on the roof, even the fucking roof is just gone. what the hell is up with that? the cynical part of me says that they bailed because they didn't like they way they were being portrayed through other people's posts and pictures and decided they'd sneak away and carefully reinvent themselves in some perfect way where all information can be more carefully controlled. this makes me angry because (egomaniac comin' through!) it's all about me! and i got left hanging! i want to read their shit and it's not there anymore, therefore everyone should know how i'm affected. sing this to the tune of Beethoven's Ninth: "Me me me me! I I I I! Me me me me!" that's what i'm saying. so seriously, where did you go? did we mean nothin' to you?

surprise number two is that i've been dropped off a list of links on someone else's website. i don't know how long i've been deleted because i don't usually look over to the left when i'm reading his stuff but this had a bizarre effect on me. i felt bad! how ridiculous is that shit? i suddenly wanted to know what i said to bore, offend, disgust, irritate or whatever. it's like the dude in "Tao of Steve" said, "we pursue that which retreats from us." i instantly was running over there reading that blog wondering, "did i say the opposite of any of these posts lately to get dropped off the list?" crazy thing is, that was always the good thing about me linking there and them linking here. it was kind of opposites. i thought it made for a good contrast. it was like me trying to prove i could communicate and connect with people that had very different beliefs and stuff. out in the world it's too hard but i figured on the internet, it's like the end of "Major League" when the punk with the spiked hair hugs the blue collar guy with the baseball cap, they freeze for a second, give each other a weird look, then they hug anyway! cause the dude bunted the ball (?!?) and the Indians win it!!! back to the topic, more than a few times i've thought about how out of place their link was on my site but i always left it on there anyway cause i figured all my links didn't have to be to some perverse or dark website, hey, i could keep a smiling family man on here and it would fit right in cause it's me! i can do anything! and i'll still keep him on here anyway. and i thought my link would be fine over there on his. i figured maybe my rambling bullshit would sit fine at the table at his house for Thanksgiving dinner even if my eyes wandered around the room during the blessing. hell, it's just words, right? not quite. i got showed to the door for reasons i'll never know.

oh, and THEN the fucking hat trick, surprise number three hockey fans: i go over to my favorite blog and she's talking about hanging up her gun and throwing her badge in the river and walking away from the job forever. what the fuck is in the water lately?!? again, it's me, ain't it? what did i do? and, more importantly, what can i do to keep her here? well, i resort to the oldest trick in the book, i taunt with "i thought i knew you better than that!" see, the brilliance in this tactic is that they think "hey! i'm being weak, or not the nearly as cool as someone thought i was! i will now change my mind because it's all about what this person on the other side of the world that i never met thinks!" sort of just teasing if you're reading. hey, that shit ryhmes! still, you really want to know what you're problem is? (watch this: those five words are the quickest way to get anyone's absolute attention. don't say "fire!" or "look out for that falling piano!" say "you know what you're problem is" and POW! they'll look right atcha. it'll can save their life.) okay, here's your problem: you wrote too many quality posts lately and you're afraid of the weak ones. (remember when you used to just put up a sentence a day? seems like years ago don't it) guess what though, it's those silly personal posts that aren't all brilliant that connect the most. i can prove it. i spend months on some shit i post on here but compared to the stuff that i throw up in five minutes, the masterpieces don't stand a chance. it's the everyday nonsense and confessions that motivate people to respond. my lectures and fiction almost never get anything back except crickets. and even those crickets are only talking to each other.

so here's confession for you: i have another website, another blog i've kept for awhile that is completely annonymous. i might even be helping out on a third very soon. i know this two or three site thing isn't that uncommon but it keeps me sane. on my annonymous site it's kind of like a lowbrow "Ulysses." makes even less sense than this one does and it's twice as hostile and/or pathetic. three times as confused and desperate. ten times as fast on the keyboard. it is a split that happened when i started to get to know readers and writers on this site. this place was originally intended to be that place, but this place got kind of weird and the mask comes off too much and something had to snap. so sometimes i'm off somewhere else bouncing around unknown on the power line, running around without a name under some crow feet and squirrel feet, saying things that no one that i know will ever hear. these are called secrets and it's a paradox but the secrets over there keep these confessions coming.

anyhow, goodnight to everyone who is still here.

::: david - 8:08 PM [+] :::
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