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Friday, November 21, 2003

"I have never seen anything like this."
-Sime Vuckov (head of pediatrics at a hospital regarding a one year-old patient who was attacked by fourteen other babies in day care. The children bit the victim more than thirty times when the supervisor briefly left the room)


anyone else hear about that? talk about a sign of the times. speaking of "Sign O The Times!" when i'm done moving all my boxes into my new apartment, i'll be able to get into my cds today and bust out Prince's masterpiece! thanks for reminding me kids!

out buying a sofa the other day (a bright blood red sofa to go with my new black leather chair) and i got distracted by all the props in the showroom. they have all these fake cardboard TVs and stereos and plastic fruit and bottles of wax that look like wine...and mixed in with these things:

real books.

i found this highly disturbing. most of the other fake stuff, like the stereos and TVs seemed to come from a place called Theater Props or something. but the books? they all came from libraries. all handcovers with that great book smell, some even with the library cards still in them. with name on them. doesn't anyone else find this shit utterly fascinating? i know these books were long out of print and destined for the burn pile and sold for a quarter at the most but still, someone spent months or years writing those things and that's the afterlife they get? props in a furniture warehouse? imagine that someday the author goes in there and sees the book he spilled his guts into sitting on the shelf next to a cardboard stereo with the knobs painted on. that would be upsetting i think. and some of these titles were good. i wrote the titles of these poor abandoned books down as fast as possible as the sales person showed me around. this seemed to confuse her. here's the best ones on my list (starting with the best one, really an excellent title for anything, song, movie, whatever) and what i think they might be about:

-The Blue Hammer (this is why you should talk to your hammer, and not just when you need it to hammer something)

-The Radical Alternative (whoa. this book should never be cracked. whatever the "radical alternative" is should remain a mystery)

-One Sunburned Week (aka "Men Without Hats")

-Over There! (what? where? sucker!)

-Grave Error (great drive-in movie title)

-Pop Machine (i once got in trouble trying to break into a pop machine in 2nd grade. they lined us up and went down the line asking every kid who did it. it was right out of a Holocaust movie. except for that fact that the poor little bastard i blamed for it didn't get shot in the head. i would have felt bad if that had happened and maybe i wouldn't have broken into at least two more pop machines later in life)

-Captain Blood (and the book was red)

-Damn Yankee (with Ted Nugent on guitar and crossbow)

-A Man And His Money (with his mind on his money and his money on his mind! at first i thought this said "a man and his mommy")

-Good As Gold (can't think of anything. this one probably sucks)

-Beggarman (wasn't that a Pearl Jam song?)

-Paul's Kite (i'm no expert, but i think it's safe to assume three things happen in this book. the kite is a metaphor. the kite ends up in a tree. Paul cuts down the tree)

-Where Are The White Woman At? (okay it wasn't called this, but it had "white woman" in the title and right now i can't read my own writing)

-Sledgehammer (notice how it ain't "The Blue Sledgehammer," that's because it has it's own song to keep it happy)

-Steel Birds (a pointy pointy, anoint my head, anointy nointy. name that tune)

-Come On By (on my way)

-Fly In A Cobweb (i take it back, this is the best title. isn't that the shit? fly in a dusty cobweb, stuck but it won't be eaten? shot in the ass by a monkey! oh the sweet irony!)

so there they are. i'm going to go back and rescue at least three of them when i go pick up a painting i got that they won't deliever. i feel like they were left at the dog pound, scratching at the cage. you can't leave them like that or they'll start biting each other.

::: david - 10:25 AM [+] :::
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