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Tuesday, November 18, 2003

"Did you bring a horse for me?"
"Sorry, looks like we're shy one horse."
"No, you brought two too many. . ."
-Once Upon A Time In The West

"One point twenty-one jigawatts?!?"
-J. Robert Oppenheimer


When you get done doing the math with that first quote, you're left with Charles Bronson standing over three dead bodies, next to his new horse. Once Upon A Time In The West came out on DVD today. For anyone who doesn't have 4 hours to spend watching the most difficult western of all time, just watch the first ten minutes where the dude tries to catch a fly in his gun barrell. i say this all the time and i'll say it again:

i wish i would have thought of that.

saw the best name for a band i've seen in some time. didn't have any cash on me or i would have made a blind purchase. the band was called None More Black. and right when i thought i couldn't get any better, i look on the back and see a song titled, "The Ratio Of People To Cake." genius.

my daily Matrix comment (from my upcoming work "Everything That's Wrong With The Matrix Volumes 1-12") will deal with the second movie:

Ted walks into a room with keys hanging on hooks and covering every square inch of the walls. in this room there is a man sitting at a table, also covered in keys. the man is working on a machine with a key in it. the man removes the key and blows some metal shavings off the teeth of the key. Ted then asks, "Are you the keymaker."
what??? okay, i know the keymaker is a program but how can he resist the sarcasm?
"No, I'm the pizza maker. the keymaker is next door, making pizzas you fucking toolbox..."

you know, i was tearing apart this movie at work and this woman pipes up and says, "i don't care what you say, i knew i was going to love that movie before i even saw it." i was shocked into silence. i find this statement of hers very telling. this pretty much illustrates everything that wrong with this kind of shit. you can also apply this lesson to the Star Wars fans who can't accept how shite those sequels are too.

notice we've changed our clocks again? so it's dark at like 4:30? this is unacceptable. it ain't World War II anymore. the only argument i've heard that makes even a little sense is when someone says to me, "you don't want the little kids to wait for the bus in the dark do you?" but i've thought about that and wouldn't it make more sense to adjust the starting time for grade school, rather than having the entire fucking country pretend it just travelled through time!?!?!? check it out:

you're at the bar, it's going to close at two, it's last call and you look up at the clock and - POW! time warp! you lost an hour! then, just when you get used to it - POW! you just travelled an hour forward! Marty!!! It's 1955! why do we play this game? don't adjust the clocks. adjust the schedules if darkness is a problem. stop the madness. i will not accept this time-travel delusion anymore. go ahead, Morris Day. ask me what time it is.

::: david - 11:09 PM [+] :::
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