..:S...P...I...D...E...R...B...I...T...E...S:..

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

"Why we gotta wear these monkey suits?"
"Because you play better in your suit."
-The Commitments

"It's the trees themselves!"
-Evil Dead


just got back from a job interview. i kept telling my self to remember what "Joey the Lips" said in The Commitments before their first concert, but it was still tough tying that tie this morning. i'm thinking i nailed that interview though. i'm always amazed at how normal i come across out in the world. by the way, anyone interviewing these days should be on the lookout for a new question that's popped up: "what's your favorite book?" hmmm. it's an improvment over the old stand-by "what kind of tree would you want to be?" where they look for symbolic answers about strong roots and reeds that bend with the wind. now if she would have asked me what kind of tree i'd want to be, i'd have said something like:

"the ones in Wizard of Oz that were beaning everyone with apples because-NO wait! i want to be the ones in Lord of the Rings 'cause they can move around and i might get to have a 10 foot leafy dick! NO! I want to change my answer! can i change my answer!!! who are you calling? Put down the phone. Okay okay, I want to be that tree in the movie Poltergiest! I mean Evil Dead!"

and they'd deserve it for asking such stupid-ass questions. but this book question? threw me for a second because i'm reading eight books right now and can't seem to finish any of them, and to list them it would seem like a.) i can't finish a book or b.) i'm exaggerating to seem like i read alot. and i'd have to explain all my reasons behind each selection:

"Boy's Life" (McCammon) - because i remember this author writing horror novels like "Stinger" and this looked like Tom Sawyer or something and that interested me, and it was the thickest book in the paperback section that day.

"King Suckerman" (by Pelaca-something) - the title, and the blurb on the front. and because it had a bright nuclear green cover. trivia note: did you know that comic books put purple on their covers cause little boys can't resist it?

"Naked" (Sederis) - 10 people told me to read this fucking thing. i admit it's funny. the painting essay reminded me of painting houses in Findly OH with those drunk frat-boy co-workers. you know we had a girl on the crew who was afraid of heights and would only paint the bottom of the houses? and our boss let her get away with that shit because he thought she was hot. also she'd make a big production about taking her birth control pill everyday at lunch like we gave a fuck. like she couldn't take it in the morning. i said as much to her and she got all mad.

"The Information" (Amis) - i appreciate this book but sitting down to read it is like a salt-water enema. i'm reading it because he wrote The Rachel Papers and a girl named Rachel recommended it. been reading this beast since...then (it's the 5/13 post, under the story). jesus chrysler. have i been reading this thing for three months?!?

"Filth" (Welsh) - i heard someone tell someone that his friend was so disgusted he couldn't finish it. and the tapeworm passages in it looked cool. i'm a sucker for gimicks. and concept albums.

"The Shell Collector" (Tony Doerr) - cause a friend and former teacher wrote it

"Nothing Burns In Hell" (Farmer) - because of that great title of course

"Dead Dog Blues" (can't remember the author. no one you know) - i got it because of the hot pink cover. always judge a book by it's cover. people have been screwing that little saying up for years.

see, i couldn't explain all that. i would derail the interview and i don't want them to think they've lost control already. the job sounds decent though. health, dental and all that, said my schedule could be flexible if i went to grad school, friendly intelligent woman who interviewed me. so yeah, we'll see. i got to...hold on. mail truck is here...

...sweet! Holly comes through with my grad school letters of rec.! gracias! hope you made me sound like Wile E. Coyote Super Genius! known her since 7th grade. she lives in Santa Monica now working as a producer for Sony making Playstation games (worked on Mark of Kri 2). right now she's working on a top secret game she ain't allowed to talk about. i like to pretend that she's making games for me alone to play. p.s. her dad builds planes in his basement. true story.
dooood! check out your cool Sony letterhead. now i guess i believe you. i was sure you were actually working for "Sonny's" games and just trying to talk it up! okay, what the hell was i talking about?

oh yeah. looking for a new job. now, if i get a new job i'll have to buy a cd by a person or band i've never heard before. it's a tradition. that way that music is the soundtrack for that job. get it? i'm thinking either Reverend Horton Heat because they're on Timebomb records and they do Social D AND they have a cd called "Spend a Night in the Box" and that reminds me of Cool Hand Luke. or that Magnetic Fields "69 Love Songs" (cause Sara Silverman listed that in her Maxim interview, and that sure is alot of songs) or Mars Volta because my friend Matt just sent me an email that said "they swing for the fence on this." if anyone knows that these suck, please warn me fast. the last time i did a new-job-blind-purchase like this i got Tom Waits and Devon Townsend. and sure 'nuff, Tom Waits "Heartattack and Vine" reminds me of my short stint as a plumbing apprentice and Townsend's "Ocean Machine" will always be the videostore soundtrack.

on the way home today through Moon i saw a police RV with "Caution: K-9 on board" across the back. what's up with that shit? who started that cutsey "K-9" subsitute for "canine" anyway? that's fucking stupid. is Prince behind that bullshit? do some cop cars say, "B Ware! K-9 Coming 4 U?"

::: david - 1:36 PM [+] :::
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