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Friday, August 29, 2003

"To this day, some people still find pool balls in the mixed sand and mud of the riverbanks along here. The wooden sticks, of course, decayed long ago."
-Nothing Burns In Hell

Haven't felt much like writing anything lately so i thought i try to jump start the urge with a good quote from the stack of books i'm currently reading. and that IS a good quote, problem is, i don't think i can do much better than that.

conjures up all sorts of images though don't it? pool balls on the beach? a cue ball in a turtle nest, a tiny 8-ball in an oyster. i used to have an 8-ball thing. i know that's about as common as a housewife's salt-shaker collection but what can you do. i've bought a bunch of magic 8-balls, cracked a couple open. had a couple 8-ball keychains. was going to buy those infinity ball-chime things from that new age story about a month back just because they looked like 8-balls. at one point i wanted to have a pile of 8-balls to make a sculpture or take a picture of or something so i took a couple off the pool tables in bars. of course you got to do that during someone else's game or else they a.) have your license at the bar until you return them or worse b.) you're out $1.50 in quarters from fucking up your own game. OR...you can dare your friend to steal one. i did that a couple times. got about 3 that way. one of the 3 Nicks i know drank until he got the courage to snag one from an intense game being played by some big loud dudes and after, in the car, i actually complained about how yellow the number 8 was when he proudly dropped it into my hand. i still have it in my car, figuring i could throw it at a truck if i ever get into another road rage incident.

might seem like a bad idea but here's the worst case scenario: the 8-ball shatters a windshield, the car flips twice, bursts into flame and takes out three lanes of traffic below and i STILL would get to see an burnt 8-ball in a plastic bag in court with "evidence" written on it, held at arms-length like it was still dangerous as the prosecuter slowly turned on his heels to give the jury and the press cameras a good long look. see what i saying? it's a no-lose situation. of course i haven't been abused by any drivers lately so the 8-ball just sits in the cup holder, the number getting more and more yellow. so i wrote a story about throwing it at a truck instead. "Eight Balls Bleeding" it was called. i'd post the story but i don't think it's in the computer and i'd have to type it out. i know i type faster than Superman masturbating but it would just make me want to revise the story (like i just corrected the spelling on "masterbating") and i'd get depressed at all the things i thought sucked (even though i was like Amadeus when i wrote it, declaring the story "the best yet written!") if i sat down and started reading it again.

okay, Tim pointed this out so it raises a very important question: what's worse? chronically masturbating or chronically misspelling "masturbating?"

Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Sept 12th. who's with me? first i saw a preview with Bandaras cocking a guitar like a shotgun and i stood up (best idea i wished i'd thought of since the football player brought the gun into the game in "Last Boy Scout") but now i just saw a new preview with Johnny Depp snapping a tight rubber glove onto his hand (?!) and also wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm With Stupid." now i'm thinking this may be the most important film of our lifetime. see you there.

okay, to jump start myself into writing more and not playing The Thing for PS2 i'm going to use the words under the title of my blog up there for inspiration. i figured i would need to do this at some point which is why i keep adding words to it. here we go-

1.) fiction:
"he slowed his car at the bottom of the hill and turned to watch a group of children on the side of the road fighting for the highest point on a huge pile of sand. The sign below them read 'Runaway Truck Ramp.'"
-from my story "Ride" i'm working on tonight. little teaser, little taste of the new shit...

2.) journal:
August 29th, 11:00 pm. i chewed on an ice cube and watched the rain and bugs hitting the light outside my window.

3.) essays:
Guns 'N Roses doesn't exist without Slash. Agree or disagree?

4.) movies:
Formula 51. could have been a lot worse. basically it's a poor man's "Snatch" and that right there is enough to see it. you should go see anything described as "A poor man's Snatch!" also extra points for putting Shaft in a skirt and having Meatloaf as an exploding drug lord named "The Lizard." i have a lizard so i just like the word lizard, you know? almost as much as i love links! also HUGE points for the use of House of Pain's masterpiece "Boom Shalock Lock Boom" in the opening credits. i forgave Daredevil's sins for their inspired use of House of Pain's "Top O' The Morning To Ya" so i have to pardon thee and thine.

5.) books:
Al Franken tears Ann Coulter a new ass in his new book "Lies and the Lying Liars..." about time. i've hated that stupid bitch since i made the mistake of turning on Fox "News" once a long time ago (the quotes around "News" similar to the sarcastic quotation mark technique used by the author of the book Nazi "Doctors") and someone on one of their piece o' shit shows was talking about loss of privacy with some new legislation (this person was making sense because they were only in the Fox studios to be set up and insulted by the right wing fucks hosting) and this person said, "but we aren't at war with Iraq" (we weren't yet) and that halfwit bitch pipes up, "we've been at war with them since 9-11!" just going to show that all the proof of an Iraqi/Al Queda connection that our goverment is still struggling with today isn't even necessary when stupid cunts like her make the leap all by themselves without the burden of any information at all. needs a fucking beating. now i wouldn't punch that fucking moron because i'm a gentleman but i'd get one of my female friends to do it and piss on her when she's down.

6.) music:
last night on the MTV Video Music Awards, Britney and Madonna stage one of those tiresome fake lesbian kisses that make me furious. see numbers 12-14 on my drunken rambling list.

7.) rants:
why the fuck aren't keyboards in alphabetical order? i'll tell you why. because then i'd type so fast that the computers in Norad would get confused and put our country at Def-Con One. they had to slow me down somehow.

8.) reviews:
Open Range has fifteen minutes of good western in about 2 and half hours of movie.

9.) confessions:
i'm currently writing a western script with my dad. bonus confession: i sent O'Reilly that email that made his show put up a "technical difficulties" sign. maybe not. someday though. p.s. this and number 5 up there are why i refuse to engage in political discussions.

10.) threats:
my hearts not in it so fill in the blanks: if anyone ever _________ then i will __________ until they are unconscious and bleeding out their ass.

11.) lies:
"baby, i'm sorry i wasted 90 minutes you'll never get back taking you to see 'Species,' i thought it would be decent with Giger's design work..." see, that wasn't true. i actually wasted 180 minutes I'll never get back by sneaking off to see it that morning.

12.) dreams:
last night i dreamed of mundane detail involving my new job. now THAT'S wasting minutes. no dreams of straddling harpoon guns or cheerleaders sliding down fireman poles. sigh.

13.) flashbacks:
at my old plumbing job, we were doing some wiring in a house it a VERY poor part of town and there was a kid who would show up every day to carry wood for a quick five bucks from my boss (more on him someday) and at one point i gave this kid a bubblegum machine toy and he started showing up with bubblegum toys to give me instead. but all he would give me were Homies. ever see those? little gang figures? little disturbing. he gave me the one in the wheelchair because he already had three (i think he was giving me all the ones he had duplicates of to complete his collection and that's fine) and i asked him what he thought about that (since clearly this Homie has been shot in the spine. nice toy eh?) and the kid thought that the chair was just a throne or something and that he was obviously "their leader, that's why he's sitting down." and i just didn't want to tell him that the Homie was shot. i don't know if i didn't want to spoil the innocence of the toy for him or my perception of him. as if i was afraid he might like them even more if he knew they were gang related. anyway. now i think i should have told him that his Homie had a tiny imaginary bullet in his back.

14.) taunts:
"You want this script Affleck?" I dangling it out in front of me. "Too bad!" I jerk it away as he reaches for it and falls face-first into a pile of dogshit that i hadn't even noticed. Wow! What were the chances of that? happening?

15.) tantrums:
the reviews are coming back on Affleck's Project Greelight "Battle of Shaker Heights" (thanks for the tip from my old bookstore peeps and hey Sandra thanks for reading! sorry about the aquarium-water-drinking trick! number 85 on my drunken rambling list. i forgot how much crap i put on there but you remembered! so yeah, i was in charge of maintaining the fish tank and there was a problem with the filter than had to get syphon-started by me sucking on a hose so i figured i shouldn't bee the only one with a mouthful of scales and fish shit. call her over at lunch and ask "does this water taste strange to you?" she drinks the gray water in the innocent looking Dasani bottle, frowns and says, "it tastes a little flat" then her reaction starts to change because i look guilty of something. then i run away like i'm nine. running away = funny!) anyway yep, the verdict is in...Shaker Heights sucks! HA! should have done my script you visionless fucker! all the reviews for their new movie have words like "inoffensive," "trite," "harmless," "pointless," "forgettable." one word from me: exactly.

16.) tirades:
how come the keys on this computer are so close together. i'll tell you why...blah blah blah.

17.) midnight ramblings:
is it midnight yet? crap. i looked at the clock. i never do that. told you, my heart ain't in it lately.

::: david - 10:42 PM [+] :::
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