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Thursday, July 31, 2003

i've noticed these "100 Things" lists on other sites and i like to read them. i'm a sucker for lists (and concept albums) so i thought i'd fire one off too.


100+ Things About Me:


1. i am obsessed with the number 3.

3. this is why i skipped to number 3.

2. i have two cats and one leopard gecko.

4. i bought my lizard because i saw it bite one of the employees in the pet store who was feeding it. she seemed irritated when i did that.

5. i have had over 30 jobs

6. i have been fired 5 times. i think.

7. the job i kept longest was lifeguarding.

8. the only rescue i got to do was a kid who could have stood up in the water if he’d stopped thrashing around.

9. i used zero of my training for that rescue and simply pulled him up by his head.

10. the smallest girl i worked with at the quarry rescued the most kids.

11. i dated her for this reason and never told her.

12. the other guy at the quarry who was never lucky enough to get a real rescue either teamed up with me to pull in a barrell raft that had broken loose from it’s anchor.

13. we made shirts to brag about our raft rescue.

14. i shaved my head after seeing Fight Club claiming i was being ironic about missing the point. now i’m addicted to it.

15. Fight Club is the only movie i believe is better than the source novel.

16. i once bought 12 black t-shirts and 6 gray t-shirts so i'd spend a minimum amount of time choosing clothes. i learned this from the movie The Fly. now i rarely wear them at all.

17. the hypocracy of all religions makes me extremely angry.

18. i think logic demands that aliens exist somewhere.

19. i write at least 3 pages a day. sometimes 50.

20. i have written thousands of pages. 25 short stories, one and a half screenplays and one novel.

21. i have yet to get anything published.

22. i only send out the stories and scripts, even though i believe the novel will shake the literary world to it’s core.

23. my favorite color is green.

24. i belive that the Grand Theft Auto series is the most important achievement of our lifetime.

25. i have been in 3 car wrecks. i probably would have crashed the 3rd time on purpose if it hadn’t have happened naturally, cause 3 always sounds better than 2.

26. i am extremely interested in driving but not really into cars.

27. i have been in 9 fist-fights, mostly in college. my record is 7-1-1. the only one i started, i lost.

28. when confronted by a drunk asshole, i believe in apologizing, buying him a beer if he’ll have one, then, hours later, hitting him in the back of the head.

29. i own a book called “101 Suckerpunches.”

30. the only time i got my ass kicked was over a girl.

31. swimming makes me very happy.

32. i worry about my sister daily but i don’t tell her this. instead i pretend i’m calling to check on my cats.

33. i rarely get along with other writers. i usually find them to be very self-centered and weak. there are exceptions.

34. i believe that reality-based programming is a good thing. even though it seems to be the harbinger of doom and the twilight of intelligence on TV, these are the only shows that i remember to watch.

35. i think writers should enjoy these shows because it’s the same as listening to other people's conversations. even though they're acting, i think acting like you're not acting is real enough for me.

36. one day someone will die on camera on one of these shows and i will be fucking front row, baby!

37. i think hatred can be healthy, even though it gives me chest pains.

38. i am haunted by a rabbit’s nest i accidentaly mowed over as a child.

39. i am even more haunted by a strange ant i dropped into my ant farm when i was little. it killed most of the other ants.

40. i am haunted by that time i forced another kid to drink dog shit in milk. this was last Thursday. just kidding. i was in second grade. if this person remembers this incident and kills me one day, you heard it here first. i will have deserved it.

41. when i was 9 i thought the world was going to end because i heard the tornado sirens and i ran off down the street.

42. i cannot eat peas.

43. i ate a cricket on a dare for 5$.

44. in elementary school i won just about every award there was for drawing.

45. i stopped drawing in 6th grade when i realized i wasn’t the best.

46. my little sister is better at drawing than i was.

47. the first book i remember reading was my dad’s copy of Firestarter when i was in 3rd grade. to this day i remember many specific lines. example; "it rammed through his throat with a wet punching sound that i never forgot..." me neither Steve.

48. i tried to collect all the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books when i was young.

49. i made my own version with no happy endings.

50. in high school i dragged my friend Dan on a 2 hour drive to Shipshawwannie (?) Indiana to find some Amish people who would let us help them build a barn. i had just seen the movie "Witness."

51. we had to settle on eating tuna sandwiches made in an Amish owned diner.

52. in this diner was a fake silver dollar nailed to the floor. i always wondered if this was to make fun of tourists. i am sorry i didn’t call them out on that bullshit since they shouldn't be using electricty to toast my sandwich, let alone owning diners.

53. about a year ago i dragged 3 friends on a 3 hour drive to do charcoal rubbings of James Dean’s grave to sell on Ebay.

54. this get-rich-quick scheme cost me $1.30 in Ebay charges. not including gas and supplies.

55. i dragged 3 friends to Canada to compare the Candadian Burger King with the one in Bowling Green Ohio.

56. we were stopped at the bridge and i was detained in a room for being a smart-ass to the border patrol. my car was searched and i was lectured by some serious government types. i thanked their country for producing the song "Tom Sawyer."

57. i drove to New York with 2 friends and 80 bucks. we lucked out and stayed for free with some kids at some Nyack bible college. they turned out to be idiots who thought everyone was a devil worshipper. they took us to their devil worshippers' caves where we found gasp! red grafitti.

58. lightning once hit my shovel (or very close by) while i was working a landscaping job. when i told the crew they locked me out of the truck and called me “Thor” from then on.

59. my favorite flavor is cinnamon.

60. my favorite food is spaghetti.

61. cinnamon on spaghettit tastes bad.

62. i once had a pet praying mantis named Mr. Orange.

63. i used to bury things in our back yard and draw maps for my sister to dig them up.

64. i hate all things Star Wars.

65. i like Lord of the Rings and hope it finally brings Star Wars fans to their senses. however, LOTR fans usually annoy me.

66. i enjoy reading genre fiction but can’t seem to write it myself.

67. Lord of the Flies gets better every time i read it.

68. i packed up all my cds and dvds so i wouldn’t be distracted.

69. i bought an MP3 player and started downloading the same things i had packed away.

70. i love zombie movies.

71. i am obsessed with apocalyptic Mad Max type movies. i dream of fighting for survival as the world ends.

72. i believe in the Loch Ness Monster but not Bigfoot.

73. i excercise every other day and feel like shit if i skip it.

74. i always mix cereal together and am disappointed if i’m down to one kind.

75. i have a mix cassette with both Slipknot and Marvin Gaye on it.

76. i think Nick Cave’s songwriting skills will never be topped.

77. the last concert i saw was Social Distortion with my sister in Columbus.

78. my favorite band is Korn. my ears find their bass-slapping and monkey noises very pleasing.

79. i have a vast collection of movies. over 600 not counting recorded.

80. i go through keyboards like they’re made out of wet paper towels.

81. my new keyboard is black although my computer is white. this keyboard promises “10 million keystrokes.” translation: “one week”

82. i enjoy contradictions in ficitonal characters and in my friends.

83. i used to jump on contradicitons and character flaws like i’d solved a crime. i’ve stopped doing that.

84. i designed a tattoo for myself but never got one.

85. as popular as Hitchcock is, i still believe he’s underrated.

86. i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t have any favorite things.

87. i don’t trust anyone who has too many favorite things.

88. i’ve run out of gas in every car i’ve owned.

89. when i was in 4th grade me and my friend Jeff tried to make beer. we hid the experiment in a Cool Whip container in the woods to ferment (it was water, yeast packets, i don't remember exactly what else was in it). a week later Jeff took a drink and puked all over himself.

90. later that same summer, Jeff’s mom ran over my 10-speed with her truck. she said it was “an accident.”

91. morning DJs make me homicidal.

92. the cds in my car right now are Muse, “Showbiz,” the soundtrack to the movie “Friday” and Cypress Hill "Stoned Raiders."

93. i think they should have had the courage to call the sequel “Saturday” instead of “Next Friday.” it still sucked.

94. i think the title “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” is idiotic considering they are talking about “The Summer Before Last.” both those movies sucked too.

95. i only wached the first “Last Summer” movie because it opened with Type O Negative singing “Summer Breeze” in the credits. it was downhill from there.

96. the last truly great film i saw was Amores Perros.

97. people who translate the title as “Love is a Bitch” are wrong. it means “Dog Love” according to the mexican dude that rented it from me last year.

98. Project Greenlight is rigged. i know this because i didn’t win.

99. i can’t seem to finish “The Thing” for PS2. i suspect it doesn’t end.

100. hunters are pussies.

101. except for my old college roommate Gary who would bring deer meat to our dorm.

102. i think hunters should only hunt with hammers.

103. i am very productive and happy when the seasons change to cold.

104. i eat ice cubes.

105. i used to freeze my Star Wars figures in cups of water then smash them.

106. my friend Holly’s dad built a full-size airplane in his basement.

107. my first car was a stick-shift and sometimes my hand wanders over to shift in automatic cars.

108. as a boy i once spray-painted a favorite book black because i didn’t like the cover.

109. my dad has eight brothers.

110. i have one brother.

111. he was better at sports than i was.

112. i hate sexists.

113. the only thing i hate more are dumb bitches. slowed you down, didn’t it? hey, that’s what you get for skimmin’ my shit.

114. in jr. high i had maps on my walls. they were of the ocean floors.

115. in high school they turned into Peter Gabriel lyrics.

116. i have a metal pin in the 3rd finger on my right hand.

117. i wish it was the middle one.

118. i broke that finger during a football game when i punched someone in the helmet. he laughed at me after i did that.

119. i tried every sport at least once. i lettered freshman year, however...(see 110-111)

120. i accidentally chipped my brother’s tooth by throwing a nerf football at him when he was using an Etch-A-Sketch.

121. i’ve taken apart an Etch-A-Sketch. it stops working after that.

122. when i was little i tried to crack open a paint can to get the metal ball out. my dad ran into the garage and knocked me down before i cranked the vise tight enough for it to explode in my face.

123. i have vanilla air-fresheners in my car.

124. if i have quarters when i come out of the grocery store, i buy a bubble gum machine toy and i leave it on top of the machine for some kid to find.

125. if it’s a really good toy, i keep the motherfucker.


that's enough for now, time to eat. i could do this shit forever.

::: david - 5:54 PM [+] :::
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