..:S...P...I...D...E...R...B...I...T...E...S:..

Thursday, June 26, 2003

"Show me."
-Christine (the movie, i don't remember if he said it in the book)

. . . then came the Rhino-Wagon. now THIS was my ride. big red '78 Mercury Monarch. fucking beastie. this car i did everything in. fucked, fought, logged the most miles, jumped railroad tracks. i took a baseball bat to it one night because the hood ornament was “staring at me too much” i finally blew the engine when some guy cut me off and i stabbed the gas to catch up and BOOM. rods right through the block. big smoking hole, even blew the hood up. actually sold the husk to some junkyard and they fixed it because i was riding with a friend and i look over and i see a red Mercury Monarch with a little sliver of broken hood ornament staring at me. i jumped out and ran over saying “hey, that was my car!” and the guy rolled up his window and nodded, “okay dude. that’s great.” i was all happy after i saw it and no one could figure out why, not even me. until now.

next was the '85 Mustang. it had T-Tops and i actually tried to take one out on the highway doing 70 and FLIP the wind jerked it out of my hand and it burst into snowy little glass cubes on the road behind me. one of the stupidest things i’ve ever done. i ended up with plastic bags and boxes and black tape for a roof until i finally found another T-top at the junk yard. i have vivid memories of driving around in the rain with the garbage bag full of water stretching down to cover my head. i’d have to pop the bag with a pen to drain the water, then put on another bag. funny shit. i got a good picture of it hanging down on my head like giant black testicle. i’ll find a way to post that picture someday. eventually i blew the engine. i started to realize that oil changes were important.

then came my '88 Ford Ranger pick-up. i abused that thing like the Monarch. it was a stick shift and kind of fast for it’s size. this was the first vehicle that i installed a stereo in, even though there was no where to put the speakers. they just got jammed behind the seats (well “seat” since it was just that one long bench thing. i liked that bench, it reminded me of home for 4 years of little league baseball). that truck had a leak in the fuel line and everyone kept saying they smelled gas when there were in it. i thought it smelled good and decided to take it on a road trip to Columbus for my friend Gary’s wedding. BOOM. something horrible happened on the way that resulted in another smoking hole where the engine used to be.

then my pimp mobile. an '84 Buick Regal. tinted windows, chrome. that thing was a tank. lots of metal and a bizarre smell that no one could pinpoint. i put the stereo from the Ranger into that thing and took many roadtrips to see my girlfriend in Bellevue. then i did an illegal U-Turn and smashed into a kid driving a Cirrocco and suddenly my pimp mobile was a another car to be abused instead of waxed. you know the kid in the Cirrocco? that accident actually happened in front of his parents who were walking down the street in Bowling Green. these two people came running up to to see if he was okay and, just thinking they were passers-by i was thinking hey, what about me? how come strangers run to this kid to see if he’s hurt like i’m not even in this wreck too??? what the fuck? then they called the cops and i got cited. i didn’t get towed though since i convinced the cop that my car was driveable. as soon as i turned the corner the wind whipped the hood up into the windshield. i had to drive home at like 5mph so it would stay down. . .

(concluded above)

::: david - 3:16 PM [+] :::
...